1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
