hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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