found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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