i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
