youre lurking in front of me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am one with the molecules
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
