Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
