So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
