how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
