i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
