Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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