in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
