He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize