Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
