you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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