About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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