Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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