Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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