When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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