Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
