Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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