his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
