I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The uberlube is also flammable
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
