Do you still have your period?
I think my fart just growled at me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
