I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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