shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
