positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
