You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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