Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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