We won't sleep together?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
