Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
