and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
