Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
do nipples grow back?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
