She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
