I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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