why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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