are you still at the devil's house?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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