There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
