oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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