Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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