Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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