the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
