i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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