I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
