Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
