My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
