the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
