If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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