i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
