Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize