It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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