stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
