Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
