I look better un-naked...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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