I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
