Did you just see the Batmobile???
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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