I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
