Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
