Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
