I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
