GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
