This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
