this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
