This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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