is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
