I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
