I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
