Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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