I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
