Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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