i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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