Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
